Is it just me, or does anyone else prefer a little peace and quiet while they eat? There might not be anything else in the world that’s more distracting than a restaurant crooner. You know who I’m talking about … lounge-type singers who serenade you while you’re stooped over a piping-hot plate of spaghetti. Maybe I’m too primitive, but I have a hard time eating and listening to live singing at the same time.

When my wife was a kid, she once had a terrifying experience at a restaurant in Los Angeles. She was about 10 years old and busy minding her own business at a restaurant. There she was, sitting at the table, when all of a sudden, this guy with a cheap tuxedo and microphone strolled up to her and started singing. He handed her a rose while belting out a rendition of “Somewhere Over The Rainbow.” She was so caught off-guard that she starting balling right there on the spot. (Ahhh … what a cute kid.)

And to be honest, I feel her pain. Only, I’m not a fan of restaurant crooners for a different reason. It’s not that they make me feel embarrassed or threatened, I just don’t have the attention span. My brain can’t handle tasting food and hearing lyrics at the same time. It’s just sensation overload. So next time we go out to eat, I’ll ask that they serve up of big bowl of pasta … but hold the singer.

**DISCLAIMER:  No offense was intended to restaurant singers. As fellow musicians, we really ought to be friends. (It’s not you, it’s me.)